Apparently, I’m a Type 3.
An Achiever.
Anyone who knows me is probably laughing right now. I’ve built businesses, written cookbooks, raised six children, changed careers more times than I can count, and I still wake up thinking about what I can accomplish next.
So when Adina Kor, one of my go-to Torah teachers at Aish, sat down with me to explain the Enneagram, she had me figured out pretty quickly.
And then she started explaining what being a Type 3 actually means.
That’s when things got fun.
The Enneagram is a personality framework that divides people into nine types, each with its own core motivations, desires and fears. Unlike personality tests that focus on what you do, Adina explained that the Enneagram is interested in why you do it.
And I LOVE that distinction.
Because two people can do exactly the same thing for completely different reasons.
Take making a meal for someone who just had a baby. A Type 2, the Helper, might do it because nurturing people makes them feel connected and loved. A Type 3 might do it because they love accomplishing something meaningful and checking another good deed off the list.
Same meal. Different motivation.
And yes, I immediately started mentally assigning numbers to everyone I know.
Adina walked me through all nine types, from the perfectionist Reformer (Type 1) and deeply creative Individualist (Type 4) to the adventurous (Type 7), powerful Challenger (Type 8) and peace-loving (Type 9).
We talked about how these personalities show up in marriage, friendships, parenting and even the workplace. Suddenly, certain interactions in my life started making a LOT more sense.
But here’s where the conversation became more than a fun personality exercise.
Adina brings her background in therapy and her work as an Aish educator and dating coach into everything she teaches. She explained how understanding our personalities can help us recognize both the strengths we’ve been given and the character traits we need to work on.
In Jewish wisdom, that work is called our tikkun.
For a Type 3, the drive to achieve and make an impact can be a tremendous gift. But it can also come with a temptation to measure your worth by your accomplishments or worry too much about how others see you.
Ouch. Okay, Adina. I hear you. Loud and clear.
The goal isn’t to stop being ambitious. It’s to become more authentic, to understand what’s driving that ambition and to use it for something meaningful.
And that applies to every personality type.
One of my favorite things Adina said was that your number should never become an excuse for your behavior. You can’t just announce, “Well, that’s because I’m a Three!” and expect everyone to accept it.
The whole point is to understand yourself well enough to grow.
By the end, we were having entirely too much fun trying to identify the personality types of celebrities and people in photographs. I was getting VERY confident in my new skills. Adina even told me I was doing better than she was.
Obviously, the Achiever in me loved hearing that.
But what I really took away from our conversation was something much bigger.
Knowing yourself isn’t about finding a label that explains everything. It’s about recognizing what makes you tick, understanding the people around you and becoming the person God created you to be.
And if a personality framework can help me become a better wife, mother, friend, colleague and human being?
Sign me up.
Every Wednesday, I’ve got a new conversation waiting for you. Same time. Same place. Come sit with me.
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