Choosing Joy When It Hurts: My Conversation with Orit Mark Ettinger

I want to introduce you to a young woman who has fundamentally changed the way I think about resilience. Her name is Orit Mark Ettinger, and at just 26 years old, she has faced more loss than most people face in a lifetime.

In the span of only eight years, Orit has buried four of the people she loves most: her father, her two brothers, and her cousin. From a terrifying terror attack that left her family car riddled with 29 bullets to the recent heartbreak of losing a brother in Gaza, Orit’s journey has been marked by unimaginable grief.

The “20-Minute” Rule

What I love about Orit is that she doesn’t try to act like a superhero. She’s real. She cries, she gets angry, and she feels every bit of the pain. But sitting with her on the Aish rooftop overlooking the Kotel, she shared a secret that keeps her moving forward: The 20-Minute Rule.

When the grief becomes too much, she sets a timer. She gives herself 20 minutes to feel everything—the tears, the rage, the “why me.” But when that timer goes off, she makes a choice to get up and continue.

We sat down to talk about:

• The Night of 29 Bullets: The moment her life changed forever and the unexpected person who saved her family.
• The Choice to be Happy: Why she refuses to let trauma be the boss of her life.
• Two Categories: How she separates the things she can control from the things she can’t—and why that’s the key to her sanity.
• “I Won”: Why she considers it a victory when people tell her they are jealous of the light she carries.

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A Strength We Can All Find

Orit reminded me that we don’t have to ignore our pain to move forward. We just have to give it a place to live without letting it take over the whole house. Standing there at the center of the universe, she showed me that you can hold deep grief and total joy at the exact same time.

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This isn’t just a story about surviving; it’s a masterclass in choosing to live fully, no matter what has been taken from you.

This is an episode you truly have to see to believe:

WATCH: 4 Funerals in 7 Years – How Orit Mark Ettinger Still Chooses Happiness

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If Orit’s strength gave you a little boost today, please share this with someone who might be struggling. We all have moments where we feel like we can’t keep going, and Orit is living proof that we can.

I’d love to know your thoughts: How do you handle the things in your life that feel out of your control? Let’s talk about it in the comments.